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The world needs
more sleep.
We demand it.

Join over 4 sleepy people fighting for humanity's most fundamental right: lying down with your eyes closed for an embarrassingly long time.

↓ scroll down if you must

Totally Real Science

The Data Doesn't Lie
(We might, though)

94%
of bad decisions were made before 9am. The other 6% were made by people who skipped naps.
∞
The number of problems that have never once gotten worse after a good night of sleep.*
*this stat is vibes-based
73%
of people who sleep 9+ hours are more likely to describe their morning as "not horrible."
3×
Worrying about not napping for 3 hours burns the same calories as napping for just 20 minutes. Choose wisely.

Know Your Foes

The Enemies of Sleep

Real People, Probably

Testimonials

"I slept eleven hours and conquered Tuesday. Not metaphorically. Actually conquered it. Tuesday never stood a chance."

Chad, 34Regional Nap Champion, 2022–present

"Before I joined zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.com, I was waking up at 7am like some kind of animal. Now I wake up at 10 and feel... correct."

Dr. Margaret Pillowsworth, PhDSenior Fellow, Institute for Rest

"I used to make decisions. Now I take a nap first. I have made zero bad decisions since March."

Diane, RetiredFormerly exhausted, now thriving

Our Platform

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.com's
Official Demands

Expert Guidance

Sleep Tips from the Pros

①

Lie down. This is the foundational step. Do not skip it.

②

Close your eyes. Both of them, ideally.

③

Stop thinking about that thing. No, the other thing. Just stop.

④

If you wake up, consider sleeping more. Revolutionary advice. You're welcome.

Common Questions

FAQ

Is sleeping 14 hours too much?

There is no "too much." There is only "not enough time left in the day." We consider this a scheduling problem, not a sleep problem.

Can I nap at work?

This is literally Demand #1. Until that passes, we recommend calling it a "restorative focus session." HR can't legally say no to something they don't understand.

What if I have things to do?

The things will still be there after your nap. They are patient. They respect the nap. The things know.

Is this a real organization?

We are as real as we need to be. Donations accepted in the form of weighted blankets.

Peer-Reviewed Research

The Science Is In

Journal of Restorative Sleep Sciences Vol. 14, No. 2 · 2024
⬤ Open Access ✓ Peer Reviewed ★ Editor's Pick

Prolonged Horizontal Orientation and Its Statistically Overwhelming Benefits for Human Cognitive, Emotional, and General Existential Function: A Comprehensive Review

Margaret R. Pillowsworth, PhD · Theodore J. Blanketson, MD · Consuela Duvet-Moreau, MSc · R. Nap, PhD

¹ Institute for Advanced Rest, Wetumpka, AL · ² Napper University, Oslo · ³ École Supérieure du Sommeil Profond, Lyon · ⁴ Independent (currently unavailable; presumed napping)

Received14 March 2024, 11:47am
Accepted14 March 2024, 11:53am
DOI10.1016/j.sleep.2024.zzz.001

Abstract

Background: Despite millennia of empirical evidence that lying down feels good, modern society persists in its aggressive campaign against adequate sleep. Methods: We reviewed 847 studies, of which 12 were real. Remaining data were gathered via a survey of the authors' personal experiences, several long naps, and one very productive dream. Results: Sleep is good (p < 0.001). Not sleeping is bad (p < 0.001). Conclusion: We recommend more sleep. The authors are unavailable for comment until approximately 10:30am.

Read Full Article → Published by zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.com Press
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Shhh.

Shhhh.

shh...

You don't need to join anything.
You just need to go take a nap.

That's the whole revolution.

We'll be here when you wake up.
Probably also napping.

Cite This Article

Pillowsworth, M. R., Blanketson, T. J., Duvet-Moreau, C., & Nap, R. (2024). Prolonged horizontal orientation and its statistically overwhelming benefits for human cognitive, emotional, and general existential function: A comprehensive review. Journal of Restorative Sleep Sciences, 14(2), 1–38. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2024.zzz.001

APA 7th edition. This citation is for a satirical article. Please do not submit this to a real academic journal. They will know.

Pillowsworth, Margaret R., et al. "Prolonged Horizontal Orientation and Its Statistically Overwhelming Benefits for Human Cognitive, Emotional, and General Existential Function: A Comprehensive Review." Journal of Restorative Sleep Sciences, vol. 14, no. 2, 2024, pp. 1–38, doi:10.1016/j.sleep.2024.zzz.001.

MLA 9th edition. Peer review turnaround: 6 minutes. This is not a red flag. This is efficiency.

Pillowsworth, Margaret R., Theodore J. Blanketson, Consuela Duvet-Moreau, and R. Nap. "Prolonged Horizontal Orientation and Its Statistically Overwhelming Benefits for Human Cognitive, Emotional, and General Existential Function." Journal of Restorative Sleep Sciences 14, no. 2 (2024): 1–38. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2024.zzz.001.

Chicago 17th edition. Dr. R. Nap's institutional affiliation listed as "Independent." This is accurate.

@article{pillowsworth2024horizontal, title={Prolonged Horizontal Orientation and Its Statistically Overwhelming Benefits}, author={Pillowsworth, Margaret R. and Blanketson, Theodore J. and Duvet-Moreau, Consuela and Nap, R.}, journal={Journal of Restorative Sleep Sciences}, volume={14}, number={2}, pages={1--38}, year={2024}, publisher={zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.com Press}, doi={10.1016/j.sleep.2024.zzz.001} }

BibTeX format. Compatible with LaTeX, Overleaf, and the crushing weight of academic formatting requirements.